So far, 2017 has been a never-ending struggle with accountability and motivation. At the end of 2016, I was so determined to stick to my New Year’s resolutions list and finally make 2017 the year I actually follow through with my goals. But, I’m pretty sure I gave up New Year’s day.
It was so easy to hold myself accountable in 2016. I was motivated to graduate a year early, to start a career or get into grad school, and to make sure I graduated with the highest GPA possible. It also helped being a student-athlete—my coach was always stressing the importance of holding yourself accountable by creating a community where the success of the team relied on it, and so I always had people motivating me in some way.
Now that I’m in grad school, it’s such a different story. My first semester (Fall 2016) was especially trying: I really felt like I had made the wrong decision in attending WKU, I had to take classes that I was completely not interested in, and I genuinely felt like I just didn’t fit in. I started to get severe anxiety before every class, and I couldn’t actually focus on what I was learning because I felt so insecure. It also didn’t help that I only had classes three days a week, and I think that’s really where my decline in motivation stemmed from.
I didn’t have a hectic practice or work schedule to force me to actually sit down for my 2 free hours each day and knock out some homework anymore. It was completely up to me whether or not I wanted to wait until the week a 20-page research paper was due to start writing or to put off reading a Faulkner novel until the last minute. I also didn’t have the support system I was used to, which made my struggles seem that much worse. I can’t even express the amount of relief I felt when the semester was finally over.
However, it hit me over winter break that there was absolutely no way I was going to make it through the next three semesters if I didn’t change my attitude. I made lists upon lists of things I wanted to accomplish in 2017—things I really wanted to challenge myself to do. I was so determined to explore my passions, but, like always, life happened. I made some progress on a few of my goals during the first few weeks, but then I would abruptly stop. I couldn’t hold myself accountable for the life of me.
I’m so tired of this seemingly endless cycle of highs and lows; I’m super motivated one minute and then hating myself the next for not following through. I really need to start putting my words into actions, so I’m giving myself a do-over on my New Year’s resolutions list. I’m posting this blog to ensure that I hold myself accountable by posting updates every so often. And so, here’s what I really want to accomplish in 2017:
- Become a vegetarian and/or become more conscientious about what I put into my body
- FINISH Kayla Itsines’ BBG (and/or Cassey Ho’s PIIT28)
- Start practicing yoga
- Worry less about getting perfect grades and focus more attention on growing and learning
- Read more books for pleasure (if you have any suggestions, please let me know!)
- Get a summer internship (preferably with a non-profit)
- Run a half-marathon (or two, since I’m being ambitious)
- Save $2,000/become more financially responsible
- Backpack through Europe with Kate (my little sister)
- Take Josh on a cruise
- Start a blog (yay! at least this list wasn’t a complete failure to begin with)
- Volunteer/get involved in the Bowling Green community
- GET OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE
- Appreciate the good instead of dwelling on the bad (which I am currently so, so guilty of doing)
- Really and truly love myself more
- Deepen my relationship with Christ
Overall, I really hope to become more self-aware. I want to find what I’m passionate about and pursue it wholeheartedly. I want to be physically, mentally, and spiritually strong. I want to prove to myself that I can hold myself accountable solely based on my own determination and the respect and love I have for myself.
What were some of your New Year’s resolutions/goals for this year? What kind of struggles have you faced when following through with them? How do you stay motivated?